I keep performing

a deeper reflection on something i thought i understood

sometimes you feel something, you write about it, and then realize you have more to say.
the more i sit with my posts, the more feelings come to mind. the more i want to explain the parts that were closed before.
it’s been two weeks since i talked about performing and it happened again. sometimes i don’t even notice it, it just happens like a routine.

has it become too normal? has it become part of me?

sometimes i only realize it when i’m alone again and it hits me that i wasn’t really there at all.